This last week in the local newspapers a plot has been hatched to overtake the council through election of 'pro bypass' independents. The purpose of course is to push forward the planning of a bypass for Boston's roads in order to ease traffic congestion. However, in order to provide an alternative view I would like to draw attention to some of the positive benefits of traffic problems.


1. Take a Walk

If traffic congestion is increased to the point of total jam, then travelling by the oldest method known to man can become somewhat easier. With stationary traffic a walk to work would become much quicker; cutting out the wait for gaps in traffic and pedestrian crossings. Get to work earlier and cough out some phlegm in your own time.

2. Avoid a Heart Attack

Cut out that rush-rush attitude of the western world by sitting and relaxing for hours in a long line of cars. Meditate on the notion that you are just one small entity heading in the same direction as your travelling brethren. Cut out the stress and reduce your risk of a heart attack. Think positive, and take your mind off your children's lung cancer.

3. Improve women's rights

More cars on the road can further the cause of feminism. In the road deaths of children, more than twice as many boys are killed than girls. More traffic = more women, allowing women to become the statistically dominant sex. Politicians will be forced to aim policy at female voters in order to gain power. Traffic in built up areas can tip the power balance in the favour of women.

4. Reduce Antisocial Behaviour

Cut down on those annoying foul-mouthed teenagers by cutting them down with your four wheeled scythe. Traffic is the single most common cause of accidental death for 12 to 16 year olds so more traffic could substantially cut instances of abuse, graffiti and vandalism. Also consider encouraging the idea that walking in the road is 'cool' and that the Green Cross Code Man is a paedophile.

5. Save the World

It is believed by some that traffic reaches a saturation point; where traffic fills the capacity of the roads and does not increase after that point. Increasing the capacity of the roads (e.g. by building a bypass) raises that saturation point, and traffic will increase to fill the capacity once again. Keeping the roads congested keeps a cap on the number of cars in use. Less cars means less 'greenhouse gas' emissions, and therefore a reduction in the acceleration of Global Warming. Poor road infrastructure in Lincolnshire can save lives throughout the world.

6. Defend Capitalism

Cars in traffic jams are inefficient and therefore burn fuel needlessly. Similarly, the cycle of acceleration, braking and idling adds wear and tear to multiple components. This is fantastic news to oil companies and motor manufacturers. Demand for fuel pushes up oil prices and increases revenues. The lifespan of a car is reduced, therefore will need to be replaced more often. The extra wealth gained by the motor industry will also 'trickle down' into more profits for the steel industry. Try not to think of a car as a form of travel, but as conduit for consumerism. The benefits of congestion to industry are enormous.

7. Encourage Communism

The Russian Federation are a large producer and exporter of crude oil. Since 1999 the Russian economy has expanded due to high petroleum prices. Extra fuel demand will provide extra income for the state, and therefore the people of Russia. If you would like to encourage Communism, you can do it from the comfort of your own car; sitting stationary like your comrades with your engine running. Try to think of your car as a symbol of socialism. You could put a little red flag on your aerial if you like, but this would accomplish nothing.